StanleyWheeler

So I took up sewing this week. I did a so-so sew-sew job--I sewed two pairs of denim pants--both of the same famous brand. They come in styles designated by three digit numbers; the numeric designations for both of these began with "5." One had a hole in the crotch, the other in the seat. They were my most comfortable jeans that didn't already have the knees worn out. I wanted to wear one of them in an upcoming theatrical production in which I have a small role. 

I know that denim isn't easy to sew. I remember breaking the needle on my mom's sewing machine when I tried to hem a pair of jeans. I remember repeating the process on my wife's sewing machine, and achieving the same result. Neither of the machine owners commented favorably upon my attempts. Wisely, I must say, this time I opted to go with genuine hand stitching. 

There are websites that give simple directions for patching jeans. There are also sites that give more detailed directions. Naturally, I didn't do it like that. First, I cut the shin out of a pair of jeans that had already lost the knees. Next, I cut two pieces from that shin piece to overlap the two holes that I wanted to cover. That was the easy part. I started with the crotch patch (which sounds like some kind of knitting or crochet term--or a synonym for codpiece). I only had to restart the patch task twice. The first time, I discovered that I had not adequately separated the two pant legs, and I was sewing the patch to the crotch, and to one of the legs. I could see that not only would that look unsightly, it might cause me difficulties in walking, and would likely tear out. Cut the threads. Restart. The second time, I found that I had failed to pull the thread completely tight on one side, leaving a tangle of loops. It was again unsightly, and likely to cause problems. Cut the threads. Restart.

The patching of the second pair went more smoothly. I didn't have to cut the stitches and restart. I didn't even jab the needle into my finger...until I was nearly finished with the task. 

My wife informed me that I could not wear my patched pants. I wore them anyway; after all, I wear the pants around here, at least the patched ones. Nobody seemed to notice the patch on the pair that I wore to rehearsal--probably because they were distracted by the wig that made me look like a deranged Beatle, or Pavel Chekov.

My wife came home with three new pairs of jeans for me today. 

That's a good thing. It's possible that the patches I put on could be poorly sewn, and may not last more than two trips through the wash.