Smoke is finished! I sat down this morning and wrapped it up. It's a bittersweet pill, completing this work. I put a lot into it, and enjoyed every bit of it.
Of course, I still have to do the cover (for which I need someone to give me a cigarette to use; part of the cover photo will feature diaphanous tendrils coiling upward from the cancer stick), and have it proofread, and complete the formatting...but the creation, the writing, the assembly of the monster is complete; the rest is just connecting the wires and calling down the lightning. I'll be treading on the wafting ether for a few days contemplating the completion of the endeavor.
The book is inspired by the likes of The Big Sleep, The Maltese Falcon, This Gun for Hire, and a slew of others, including My Favorite Brunette. Bogey would have been a great choice to play the protagonist; Alan Ladd might have been an even better choice. Some other time, I'll think about living actors who might play the roles of my characters.
***
Before I finished the Smoke wrap up, I treated myself to The Secret of The Incas. You can find the basic dope on it here.
Here's my recap and review.
It is the tale of the search for a fabulous golden disc encrusted with jewels.
We meet Charlton Heston as Harry Steele, a sort of tour guide,
returning tourists to the airport via a car that looks like a camp trailer
running on the railroad tracks.
He tells the future Mrs. Cunningham, “Money
sings, and I love music.” He asks a man at the airport about any private planes
that have arrived. None. But he’ll keep asking.
Uncle Billy, now going by the name of Ed Morgan, is
learning to shoot pool, perhaps in hopes of paying off the Savings and Loan debt. He tells Harry
about a new exhibit, an Inca stone carving…with a missing corner.
Morgan sends a man with a special present after Harry following their conversation.
Harry drops, unscathed. He finds the shooter’s location, and races
over while the shooter is trying to get packed and flee. He gives the guy a heaping helping of knuckle sandwich. Shooter promptly admits that Morgan sent him,
but not to kill, only to scare him. Harry relieves Shooter of the money Morgan paid him, and breaks his
rifle. Then Harry rushes to have a little tete-a-tete with Morgan. Morgan wants
Harry to take him as a partner in finding the lost Inca treasure. Harry
refuses. Still, Morgan has a client lined up for Harry.
Harry
takes his corner piece to the museum and matches it to the new exhibit. The
exhibit is supposed to show the way to the tombs of the rulers of Machu Pichu.
It’s at the museum that the new client makes her appearance…only to disappear
quickly
The
museum keeps an interesting item in a safe; it's a small sunburst which is like a much larger one--the fabulous jewel encrusted disc lost to the Incas four centuries
earlier, and which is the object of Harry’s search.
Mystery
girl shows up again. She’s looking for Harry,
but mistakes this Green Acres refugee for him.
Her name is
Elena Antonescu, and she’s an escapee from Romania. She wants to get to the
USA. She’s wanted in La Paz, Bolivia. She only has $50; Harry tells her, “The
wheels just don’t turn for fifty bucks.” When she goes all sad, Harry tells her
it is a very good act. She says, “It usually works.” Harry seems interested
when she talks about a guy with a plane named Marcu (the guy is Marcu, not the plane);
Marcu is after her. Harry makes a call to Marcu. Harry tells Elena that Marco will be there tomorrow. He told
Marcu about Elena, so that he would come with his plane. She is bait for Harry
to get the plane.
Harry is at the airport the next day. He orders fuel for the
plane as it lands. Marcu, who has avoided the Russian front in the guise of General Burkhalter, is anxious to
find Elena, and willing to pay. He tries to persuade Elena to go back with him. Harry
knocks out Marcu, and instructs Elena to sneak into his room and get the keys
to the plane.
Morgan again presses Harry for the corner stone. Harry
refuses. Elena gets the key, and they depart for the airport. They sneak into
the airport; Harry throws a stone through a window to draw the guards away.
They get the plane and takeoff before the guards can catch them. So far, it all
seems too easy. I think there’s going to be a plot complication. Nope—but that
was too easy.
They land, but not at an airport. Harry won’t say where,
exactly, but it’s about 10 miles from where he’s going. At this point, I notice
that Elena is still wearing the same clothes in which she arrived, even though
she has a suitcase, and she had been down to wearing only a slip the night before. Maybe
those are just good traveling clothes. While Harry gets a cached rubber raft,
she changes clothes??. They float down the river.
That night at the fire. He tells her to wear heavier socks
the next day. They’re going to Machu Pichu. But she wants to go to Mexico. She
pretends to be cold, which, of course, leads to this:
Are they in love, or just using one another to achieve their own ends? More importantly, did anyone bring any mouthwash, or deodorant?
In the morning, they’re still Machu Pichu bound—a journey
almost entirely in the vertical. When they arrive, Harry is surprised to find
someone else already there. They are greeted by Pointy Hat (aka Michael Pate, known for playing bad guys, and ethnic types).
Pointy Hat introduces them to Marcus Welby who certainly has the
attitude that he knows best. He’s Stanley Moorhead, the leader of this
archeological expedition, which also includes a general from the Peruvian
government. It seems that they’re working in the very tomb where Harry expects
to find the fabulous jewel encrusted gold disc.
When Pointy Hat’s sister, Kori-Tica, observes that Harry has
a “very grave face,” meaning he is not to be trusted, a liar, or a thief, Harry
tells Elena that he knows who he is, and that he can live with that. Harry has
also sabotaged the radio so that the expedition won’t be apprised of their
status as fugitives.
The sister of Pointy Hat, who follows the old ways—i.e.,
she’s the Ruk of Machu Pichu (See, “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” S1 E7 for those of you playing along at home)--makes an offering to a princess mummy (the Mamakunu) already removed from the tomb. She
sings a song that begins with what sounds like someone playing the handsaw and
gradually reaches the weird-but-recognizably-human range, before going
completely cackling hen on mushrooms and helium. If it really is Yma Sumac
performing the music, she must be a trained opera diva with a range that goes
from the moon to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Harry takes advantage of the distraction to check out the tomb on his own. He swipes a mirror-like piece that seems to go with his
corner stone.
Finally, the much anticipated plot complication arrives in the form of Morgan. He lets Harry know that he’s now chairman
of the board, and that Marcu didn’t make any report about the stolen plane.
Elena compares Harry to Morgan, and tells Harry, “For a tall man, you’re the smallest
man I ever met.” The comment makes Harry re-evaluate himself.
Pointy Hat’s sister does another number, which sounds at first like she's doing a
Louis Armstrong imitation; then it goes from saw and helium to barking dog. Of course there’s also some native dancing.
Dr. Morehead asks Elena to marry him. She doesn’t give him
an answer…realizing she loves Harry (I suppose--because California isn't known for apples, and Abraham Lincoln didn't cut down the cherry tree).
.
The expedition opens the main tomb. It
appears that the golden sunburst is merely a carving in stone; there is no fabulous gold disc--The Inca's Greatest Hits were just a myth. The natives take
it hard. Harry thinks that perhaps Elena can take the sunburst’s place, at
least in his heart. She turns him down, and Harry announces that he’ll leave in
the morning.
That night, Harry goes into the tomb. Morgan follows
secretly. All Indiana Jones-like (before Indiana Jones), Harry finds the sunburst. Morgan has a rule against members of his party
trying to abscond with all the treasure and XPs. He has Harry put the disc into a bag.
Pointy Hat interrupts. A gunshot, a scuffle. Morgan knocks down both Pointy Hat
and Harry. He runs from the tomb. Harry is out. Pointy Hat rouses the natives.
Morgan plugs a native, but the rest keep after him. He’s finally out of
bullets, and almost out of options. Somehow he manages to elude the natives. Back at the expedition HQ, it seems that they can’t find Morgan
or Harry.
Harry does find Morgan (they join up and go on to act in
Dragnet and MASH—no). Morgan is played out; altitude and age have stolen his
vitality; besides, disappointing Jimmy Steward on Christmas Eve really took a toll on him. Morgan delivers a nice little soliloquy about age and gravity as Harry wrests the disc from him. In the struggle, gravity, unmoved by the soliloquy, seizes Morgan and deals most
unkindly with him, bouncing him against every crag sticking from the mountain's otherwise sheer face.
Harry takes the disc back to the expedition HQ; he hands the
disc to Pointy Hat. This joyous event calls for more oxygen gargling from the diva.
A long engagement is in the works as Harry and Elena leave.
He gives her a gold trinket that “must have fallen in my pocket” until he can get
her a ring. He’s changed, but not entirely.
It's not Heston's best work, but it is a treasure. It was nice to see the actors that I had known as a kid from other shows. Yma Sumac's singing was impressive, but seemed designed to show the range of her talent rather than to be enjoyed. I was disappointed that we didn't get more plot complications back in Cuzco where the film started; the plane theft seemed too easily accomplished...and yet, I still like it.
