StanleyWheeler

The day dawned, as it is wont to do, with the rising of the sun. A clear blue sky overlooked the estate. The day promised heat, and lots of it. I didn't have time to admire the azure canvas over head; I couldn't do anything about the promised heat; it wasn't my concern: I had a date with Destiny, and I was hoping that she would be wearing a clinging pastel number with some lacy frills. I was kidding myself; this was no date--it was a showdown. I was going mano a mano with the Craftsman war machine. I planned to tear into it without mercy, to strip its power source from its corpse, crack open that box of mechanical brain-works, and perform some compliance surgery on that metal crate before reattaching and reanimating the creature to do my bidding. With might, power, and high hopes, I confronted the beast. I didn't give it a chance to talk. I had it jacked up and on the stands before it could even say, "Jack Robinson." Come to think of it, I've never heard...

The Craftsman war machine has terminated negotiations. The tips of the tall grass wave jubilantly in the wind, defiant, unyielding, uncut and spitting stinging imprecations with each windy ripple (which sounds like a drink: Windy Ripple, now in your favorite pastel colors with an aftertaste that resurrects memories of treated lumber and burnt hair). Civilization as we know it teeters at the edge of the precipice; the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. What has brought us to this terrible state? What is the cause of this our dismay, this forlorn future, this fantastical fate? Word is that it is something called an ACR--it's broken. I don't know what the A stands for, but the C and R stand for compression release. Maybe the A is for awful, or ain't working. The internet, which is never wrong--Oh, I know--says that this is a common problem with the Briggs and Stratton 21 hp engine (and others of the B&S make with the overhead valve setup). The progression of part rep...

There is a story to tell about the Craftsman war machine. The vast expanse of herbage remains unmowed; the story, therefore, remains untold. Instead, I might discuss the discussion that I led today after the regular instructor called to ask if I would take his class. The text message came while I was laboring with the latest mechanical manifestation of the war machine's taciturnity. I agreed. I enjoyed preparing for the discussion. It concerned a great story, a story of love and loyalty, jealousy and pride, friendship and fidelity, treachery and terrible carnage--I styled it as what we would've got if William Shakespeare had written Star Wars; it was just that good--meaning the story, not my discussion of it. I did have a terrific time leading the discussion; I can only hope the participants found it worth their valuable time.  That's not what I'm going to write about. I promised a review of Pride of the Samurai   by Kenneth Jorgensen. Let me do it now. I see that I ...

"Your bum looks really nice." "Get in the left lane and turn right, here." Those were two of the many strange phrases that I heard my daughters say this week in Rexburg. That first phrase actually referred to fourth daughter's hair bun (b-u-n), not bum--which made it significantly less disturbing that what I thought that I had heard. The second sentence was given to me by 2nd daughter as she directed me to one of the finer haute cuisine establishments in the aforementioned burg--Little Caesars Pizza where we ordered the "Extra Most Bestest" but actually received something well short of that hyperbolic superlative; the pizza was good, it just wasn't of the kind represented by the box in which it was presented. And she may not have included the comma--in the sentence, not on the pizza as that would have been an additional topping requiring a concomitant cash outlay. What took us to that city at the feet of the majestic Tetons? (Those familiar w...

As I contemplate that day that is the hub, the Ogygia of summer that separates all of the season that came prior to that day from the following day from which the final voyages of the season are launched, I remembered what I had written last year after the local July 4th festivities:   I do it because I am minting memories. We take this hot summer day and put it beneath the steel press of patriotism, stamping upon it the indelible impression of our flag and national identity; we remember the blood and treasure spilled to obtain and to secure the liberty and inalienable rights upon which this nation was founded; we honor not only the founding fathers, but those still living among us who have served to secure the freedoms for which so many have given the last full measure of devotion. There is plenty of time for pleasurable pursuits, but short is the time to honor those who have offered more than mere lip service to liberty... It still has meaning for me. I don't expect that...