We begin with the true star of the show. The character is Phillipe Gaston, played by Ferris Bueller--apparently he took another day off to go to Italy to film this gem that is supposed to be set in the south of France. Why start with him? First, because he is the star of the show, getting more screen time and lines than any other character (by my gut reckoning), and because he's the character that makes the show worth watching.
His witty banter and conversations with God are the best reasons for watching the show. Second, when the movie first came out, my neighbors saw it and told my parents they enjoyed it and that Phillipe reminded them of me. I'm not sure if they thought I was a pick pocket, an escape artist, an amoral wit, a lock pick, or an entertaining conversationalist (which is what I'm going with). Phillipe is all of these.
Our hero escapes from the dungeons of Aquila--a fortress city presided over by its bishop (played by John Wood).
After his departure via the sewer, the hero is nearly recaptured as he boasts of his evasion and offers to buy drinks for all patrons of the establishment. His cheer takes a turn when the patrons reveal themselves as the bishop's guards tasked with capturing and/or exterminating the thief. He is saved from death by Etienne Navarre, the former captain of the guard.
Phillipe begins to have his suspicions about his new companion when he disappears for the night, the host of the hovel where they stay tries to kill him but is instead slain by a black wolf, and a beautiful woman mysteriously turns up in the barn.
Navarre (played by Rutger Hauer), has plans to kill the Bishop of Aquila and believes Phillipe can help him get inside the fortress.
Phillipe eventually learns that Navarre's hawk becomes the woman who appears at night, and that Navarre becomes the wolf from sundown to sunrise. The hawk is wounded by a crossbow bolt during a fight with the guards. Navarre is also wounded in the same place. He sends Phillipe off to find the monk Imperius (played by Rumpole of the Bailey) at a ruined castle to tend to the bird.
Imperius reveals that Navarre and the woman, named Isabeau (played by Michelle Pfeiffer), were lovers. A priest, Imperius, revealed that secret to the bishop who was madly obsessed with the woman. When she spurned his advances, he sought dark magic to put a curse on the lovers, which resulted in their current predicament. The condition has been going on for about two years. Imperius believes he has found a way to end the curse--but the bishop must be alive for the event, which must occur with the eclipse
At the ruins, Imperius works on ladyhawke in her lady form, removing the bolt. The bishop's guards arrive, making their rounds as carolers or perhaps looking for handy packages on porches. During the search they discover Phillipe and Isabeau--along with the fact that one should walk on the left. She has a narrow escape from a high tower, saved only when she falls and transforms as the sunrises in the instant before she crashes on the rocks below. Phillipe is saved by the timely arrival of Navarre and his double-barrel crossbow. (I know crossbows don't have barrels - maybe it's an over and under).
Navarre is having none of Imperius' crazy scheme to crush the curse with a total eclipse of the heart sun and leaves without the monk. Phillipe goes with him, telling the monk to follow. As Phillipe gets to know Isabeau, the bishop hires a trapper to kill the black wolf. Isabeau nearly steps in a trap, and the trapper tosses stones on numerous traps around Isabeau. The black wolf arrives, but the trapper's trap traps the trapper, being the last trapping the trapper will ever trap.
Phillipe hasn't succeeded in getting Navarre to buy into the monk's method of madness, so the pair resolve to capture Navarre in his wolf form. The plan goes awry when the wolf breaks through ice on the lake and Phillipe gets clawed badly during the rescue.
Into Aquila they go at night, with Navarre as a caged wolf, and Imperius convincing the guards that this is not the droid wolf they're looking for. Phillipe takes the sewers to the cathedral. Navarre heads for the cathedral to slay the bishop while Phillipe comes up from the sewer to unlock the cathedral doors from within. As you might expect, and in accordance with the tested and true method of drawing out the drama to create tension, things do not go smoothly. An extra dollop of drama is served by the fact that Imperius has been instructed to kill ladyhawke if the church bells begin to ring, because that means Navarre has failed.
Phillipe does get the doors unlocked in time for Navarre to ride Goliath into the cathedral. An old enemy in the guard, the new captain, also rides in to fight him. The horseback clash doesn't last long, and soon both men are unhorsed. Although he slays the new captain--with help from Phillipe, there are other guards to protect the bishop and to ring the bells--and ring they do. Imperius has the bird in hand--not having elected to pursue two in the bush--with the knife poised to strike.
Navarre, realizing the eclipse is the real thing (what with the celestial event being perfectly lined up with the cathedral window broken only minutes earlier by a flying helmet) and not merely some imitation soft drink, yells for Imperius not to kill the bird. Of course, Imperius can't hear him, being some unspecified distance away.
The fight continues. Navarre takes out the guards and sets upon the bishop, who reveals a handy-dandy spear point at the end of his holy staff. Isabeau appears and the couple, both in human form, confront the bishop. Imperius proclaims the curse broken. Naturally, the bishop isn't keen on the new arrangement and opts to roll for an attempt to skewer Isabeau. His dice result in a tragic failure. Navarre launches his sword with all three dice coming up gold. The sword punches the bishop back a few yards, carrying him off his feet, into a chair or some other upright piece of wooden furniture, and pierces both bishop and furniture to the hilt. It's not just a bad day at black rock, it's a totally terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day for the bishop, who has seen his last eclipse in mortality.
That's pretty much the end, except for the hugging and lifting and spinning, which went on a little too long in my opinion, and Imperius and Phillipe leaving after thanks and a kiss on the cheek from Isabeau.
Like I said, the best reason to watch the show is for Phillipe's dialog-- none of which I've spoiled for you by including it here, which I think certainly reflects well on me.
Ladyhawke represents the best of 80s sword and sorcery. It's not too silly to enjoy, but it is humorous. The acting is very good and the script is entertaining. Ladyhawke is good clean fun--it's like the crews behind Conan the Barbarian and The Andy Griffith Show joined up and made a fantasy flick the whole family could enjoy.
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The bugmageddon novel has passed the halfway mark. My space cowboy story must not have made the cut because I haven't heard back and I believe contracts went out for that anthology a couple days ago.
I have completed assembling my powerpoint presentation on forging unforgettable stories. It's pretty terrific--at least in my head.
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