Writers Cantina

 

I rolled into the UCCC--which does not stand for Uniform Commercial Code Conference--for the Writers Cantina around 8:30. There were two other cars in the lot, a white van and something blue that was not a van. A man occupied the driver's seat of the white van. I approached the vehicle on the passenger side, and he didn't roll up the window, drive away, or brandish a weapon, so I introduced myself. He called himself Lee and hailed from an unnamed swath of sod and sage near Vernal. He was a writer. I had arrived at the correct location, but he told me the place was locked.

Another individual arrived and, without making inquiry with us, went toward the building. I lost sight of him as I continued my conversation with Lee. A fourth party arrived--and I use "party" to mean a particular individual for the express purpose of making the event sound more festive--and we three decided to storm the castle. We didn't see the third individual and therefore assumed he had gone inside. We would follow in force. Our plan stalled when we discovered that the door was locked. As we reconsidered our options, i.e., constructing a wooden horse, waiting outside the door, or going back to our cars, a gentlemen (I suspect he was the owner of the blue vehicle) opened the door for us, and the missing third individual reappeared to enter with us. 

After our assault rode the wings of the lone defender's courtesy to success, we proceeded to the dungeon of the place. Lee claimed one of the four central thrones while I reconnoitered, checking the layout and noting the exits. I returned to Lee and the third individual who tagged himself as Robert; he had traveled from Albuquerque. I refrained from making a Bugs Bunny reference because the last name drew my inquiry.

Later, Jana arrived with enough supplies to provision the Pacific Fleet for two weeks--in other words, barely enough for a pride tome of writers (or is it a font of writers? a ream of writers? a draft of writers? a proof of writers? an archive? a smudge? a script? a tome of writers -- that's it I'm going with tome because I like the sound of it and I can't see that anyone has used it before). Actually, our tome was more of a pamphlet. We were a pamphlet of writers because it was a small venue. After we carried in the provisions, I encountered Eric who brought two boxes of books for the paperback trading tables--singular prior to Eric's arrival--and I helped carry in one of the boxes. 

I encountered old friends David and David (both of Utah) who arrived as I was returning to lug more of Jana's comestibles back to the dungeon. John from Utah and I made the final trip (of many) to bear fardels of ice--leaky ones. We did not effect a change of the dungeon into Xanadu, but our efforts were critical in keeping the soft drinks cool--avoiding the Chernobyl-like disaster so often associated with sweaty writers and warm pop.

It was shortly after the ice-capade that I made a joking insult about Jay, and made my introduction accompanied by a small print disclaimer that I don't usually insult people until I know their names. He informed me that it was a common occurrence about which I should not be troubled.

The pamphlet was getting thicker by this time, and I decided I should sign in and get credit for my attendance and the free labor I had donated. At the bottom of the stair in front of the sign-in table, I met Sam and Shari from Pittsburgh. Sam and I traded at length in books, employment, and other such introduction currency before he decided that my dry wit and bland delivery called for a cleansing and refreshing beverage.

I decided to attend a panel discussion on the "Dos and Don'ts of Writing in Other's Worlds" which was led by Brad, Holli, and John. One attendee, Nick, had hit upon a clever plan to meet me by blocking my way into the room. We had a short discussion, and he let me pass after quizzing me about my favorite color and the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. 

Lincoln of Star told me he had an illustrated children's book coming out soon. In one of the sessions--maybe "How to Write an Award Winning Sci-Fi Story" by Brad or maybe John's "Story Prep and Submission"--I met Janiel of Utah. Shortly after that, I met Jake and Jarod, who write the Helios trilogy, and their editor Christine. We had an informative discussion.

I did skip one session because neither of the two choices interested me, and frostbite threatened to permanently disable me after two hours in one room with the AC set on "arctic blast" blowing directly on me. I was also hungry. I hit the supply depot, and paramedics carried me outdoors into the heat until I regained the complete use of my limbs--I understand that I can obtain attractive and fully functional prosthetics to replace the two fingers I lost somewhere along the way.

There were many more writers I didn't get to meet--but I understand that was at their request. There was something useful in all the sessions I attended. The most memorable may have been Brad's solo presentation during which he repeatedly moved from the visual on the screen behind him and back to his stack of books to raise whichever one he was referencing at the time. It was very enjoyable. I even picked up his Dragon Award-winning novel after the presentation.

I learned from David that I may be one of a hundred flipped quarters, but I haven't come up heads enough times to get noticed. My take away from writing in other's worlds was that one should do his research and should not be a jerk--I hope that doesn't categorically exclude me. In other groundbreaking news: genre's have tropes, and it's good to read both inside and outside your writing genre--way outside. I didn't think anyone else was familiar with Marlbrough s'en va-t-en guerre --which I became acquainted with in playing Avalon Hill's Struggle of Nations--a game that is virtually unplayable, or perhaps marginally playable--and David even knew all the lyrics. I had forgotten them long ago. Now I'm going to have to go read about John Churchill, the subject of the song.

The main disappointment was the complete lack of debauchery during and after the proceedings--although one novel proposal did promise to find "the key to immorality," but everyone agreed that it was an entertaining typo with the proper phrase being "the key to immortality." I should explain that I'm using "debauchery" as a substitute for RPG, Skirmish, Strategy, Tactics, or other tabletop games--as opposed to what you were probably thinking. Perhaps next year when the Writers Cantina may go two days instead of one.

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Friday night in the hotel room gave me the time I needed to finish chapter 19 in book 6 of the Tomahawks and Dragon Fire Series. I should've completed it last week, but the chapter grew in the telling--and I also had to go back a couple chapters to add important stuff--but chapter 20 is nearly half written; part of it was the old chapter 19. Anyway, the fantastic story continues and oozes cool on nearly every page.

On a side note, I outlined my writing philosophy of The Trauma, The Drama, and The Dream, so that I can present it if ever called upon to do so. I don't think it's earth-shattering, but it is a good explanation of how to create stories the reader will love without getting confined in an iron maiden of story structure.--or at least the discussion thereof.