Miniature Wrestling

 There were two items of note this week. First, regarding this picture:

Somebody gave my wife some of these candies a while back. I ate them. I wanted more. When I suggested that she get back in touch with the friend who gave them to her, she went and bought me some. I think these are my new favorite candy: dark chocolate and what looks and tastes like real peanut butter (not the grainy sugar and peanut butter substitute found in America's most popular candy). These are a real treat--in spite of what the writing on the wrapper might lead you to believe. I give them 5 stars and would recommend them to a friend, but only if I were opening a new bag. If I were down to the last few, I would keep them for myself and not say a word about them.

Next was the miniature wrestling tournament. By miniature, I don't mean Hobbits, Dwarves, Munchkins, or the little people among us. This is what I'm talking about:

 Over a few days, I assembled ten of these American Militia miniatures. They're supposed to be 28mm, but they may be slightly smaller, or the ones with which I'm comparing them are slightly larger than 28mm. I'm putting them together for use in a campaign with my skirmish/RPG rules with Les Freres Corses and perhaps another guest set in my Tomahawks and Dragon Fire Universe. Anyway, some assembly required is a euphemism for the combination of gladiatorial combat and mud wrestling it takes to put these plastic chaps together.

Cutting out the body and gluing it to a base is deceptively simple and easy--no real problems, apart from the accident with the knife and the blood drops. It's everything after that becomes a death match in the mud--except the mud is glue. The head, both arms, and some weapons have to be cut free from the sprue and attached to the body. While the heads provided can be attached to any of the figures, the arms and some weapons match only particular figures; it's not a mix-and-match at will operation. Every part has to be properly matched.

 Round one of the contest involves scanning the schematic to find compatible limbs for the selected body. 

Round two is cutting them free and trimming the little nodules of sprue remnant from the parts. 

Round three is where things get sticky--literally: Fit the limbs to the body and remember how they go; add a dab of superglue to the precise position; attempt to fit the first limb to the figure as determined by the earlier test; smear glue hither and yon as the limb slips into every position except the one way it fit earlier--adjust, adjust, and readjust; hold the limb against the body while the glue dries; remove fingers from the figure--only to have the arm come away (glued to one hand) and the body come away (glued to the other hand); peel the miniature parts from finger along with top layer of skin; repeat previous phase; glue finger to table and drop miniature limb; find the lost limb glued to the back or base of a different miniature or to the front of your shirt; finally get one limb attached; repeat the previous phases for the second limb and note that if both hands are supposed to be on the weapon, the second hand won't reach it because one or both arms were not glued into the proper position; decide that's good enough even better because it gives the illusion of movement to the miniature.

Anyway, I got ten of the 30 figures completed, and I'm happy to note that there were no casualties or grotesque deformities, and the glue holds extremely well. (I know because I dropped some of them from an altitude of five feet to a concrete floor with no breakage or loss of limb. Also, there are left over muskets and tomahawks that can be left separate for game purposes, or added to some of my other miniatures. I already have some metal British Infantry (that are at least partially painted) for the campaign, along with some wolves, and natives. I'm not sure what I'll use for the stone cats and dragonlings, but I know those will be integral to the campaign. The first episode will involve the blowing of a bridge before the British Regulars can cross.

___________

Editing continues on Book 6 -- Crisis in Fire and Snow -- in the Tomhawks and Dragon Fire Series. It will be ready just in time for Christmas!

 Truth in Flames is up for pre-order. It will be available for download in a week. I recommend ordering your copy now.

Here's a little excerpt from the book -- used with the author's permission, of course. The formatting got messed up when I pasted it in here. It's a conversation between Rip and Antonio: 

Rip said, “We’re after gunpowder. Unless the British are going to welcome us in and hand it over, I don’t expect you’ll have time to make inquiries for a señorita, who may not even be on the island.”

“I expect she’s been pining away for me these few years. Probably wasted away to a mere shadow of herself with grieving and waiting for my return.”

“So you think she has forgotten the pearl necklace you stole from her?”

“Captain, you wound me. She gave it to me. Or she would have if she had been there when I went to her room to find her.”

“Her only item of any monetary value.”

“I couldn’t have her leaving it. I knew she would want to bring it. I took it so she wouldn’t have to go back for it.”

“And so she lost it.”

“And it got us out of that sticky situation with the lieutenant who wanted to have a look at our cargo and papers. His sweetheart may wear those pearls now.”

“He probably sold them. He didn’t seem the type to have a sweetheart.”

“We sailed away as free and easy as legal merchants. You have Catalina to thank for that.”

“We best not find her then. She may want payment for the pearls.”

Antonio scowled. “A pretty young thing like Catalina is never without resources. Some fancy captain or governor’s lackey will be supporting her in style.”

“While she wastes away awaiting your return?”

“Inside, Captain. She’ll be wasting away on the inside..."

__________________

Did you notice how the conversation above is quick, interesting, and builds some anticipation and tension for Antonio's encounter with Catalina? I mention those things because I've been watching The English via vidangel. I had heard good things about the show, but I'm 4 episodes in and trying to find a reason to keep watching. The dialog--and there's a lot of it--is long, slow, dull, and mostly pointless. Cue Roberta Flack, because it's killing me slowly with dialog--and slow shots of nothing happening. The 4th episode had me weighing the benefits of throwing myself into a woodchipper during the flashbacks and music playing over some dialog, which probably revealed a fact that will become important later--except it didn't reveal it to the audience. 

The conversation is too slow, and there's too much silence between words and exchanges. However, the use of the pop, pop, pop, pop, pop of the gatling gun in the distance was highly effective. It hammered the horror of the slaughter into the mind of the audience far more powerfully than any graphic display could have.

___________

Finally, Sons of Liberty. I'm glad I found the 3 one and a half hour episodes. I did like it. I give it three and a half flintlocks out of 5. What I'm about to say will make me sound completely enamored of my own work and unable to say anything good about potentially competing works. So let me reiterate, I did like it--just not as much as I had hoped. I think the main problem was that it tried to cover too much ground in too little time. The final episode covered Lexington and Concord, Bunker Hill, and the Declaration of Independence. It took five books in my series to get from Bunker Hill to the Declaration of Independence. Of course, I covered a whole lot of other ground as well. Now here's the part that makes me seem terrible. During the Bunker Hill and the Declaration of Independence portions of the episode, I couldn't keep from thinking that I did them so much better in my books. I imagine time, budgetary constraints, and the difficulties involved in getting the story to film account for many of the shortcomings. Still, I did do it better. Check out Threading the Rude Eye for my account of Bunker Hill.

 

I want to talk about some fun characters, but first there's this review by youtube sensation Zach Johnson. A while back I provided him with copies of the first three books of the Tomahawks and Dragon Fire series. In this video, he only shows the first book, but he's talking about the first three.

Yes. Yes. We know this series is fantastic. I would like to discuss some of the characters from the series, and some characters from my other books as well.

Let me start with the first character of my first book. The protagonist from Justice in Season, a western set in  1860's Idaho Territory, was based on an actual person. In fact, many of the events in the book are fictionalized versions of some historical events. The historical figure wrote his own history in which we tend to see him in a positive light only, full of courage and determination. In crafting the fictional character, Victor McBride, I tried to preserve the courage and determination while furnishing him with a new background which also revealed fears and uncertainties. I think he may be all the braver for overcoming the fear and the trouble of his past. Most of the characters in Justice in Season and the sequel Justice Resurgent were fun to imagine and create. Some of them are based on historical persons while others are pure fiction. They were all fictionalized. A couple other favorite and prominent characters are Vaughn, the easy going poet and friend of McBride; and Harmony Rivers, the local singing sensation and object of the evil sheriff's infatuation.

In Threading the Rude Eye, (Book 1 of the Tomahawks and Dragon Fire series) we meet the protagonist Alex as a young man with a fiance and big plans. His plans are on hold until he can complete his indenture. He has a pronounced sense of justice and high hopes for his future. The revolution against empire unexpectedly slops over into his little world, completely altering his future and destroying all for which he had hoped. If not an opposite to McBride, Alex is certainly different. His fears and uncertainties threaten to control him. Unlike McBride who willingly rose to fight against evil, Alex has the fight thrust upon him. Alex's is not so much a story of vengeance as it is one of discovering the right course and committing to that course. His growth through the series isn't entirely linear. Initially, he has a lot to learn and a short time to learn it. At least he has a mentor in Jonathan to help him in the early stages of the adventure. 

Iago and Atu are a couple of interesting characters, and are the first ones we meet in Threading the Rude Eye. Atu is a Pacific islander. His attire consists of a loincloth and a knife, with a total body cover of tattoos. He can be a bit loquacious and speaks like a British lord. Atu is teamed with Iago, the little man from Portugal. Iago doesn't speak. He communicates via a unique sign language which only Atu understands because the language is based upon Atu's tattoos. Iago makes the decisions and Atu provides the muscle. However, they are far from a simple brains and brawn match up. Atu is intelligent, but he defers to the small man for a few reasons--some of which aren't revealed until Book 4 Promise of Carnage and Flame. Iago's limitations and Atu's strengths make them a compatible and sympathetic pair. They are both tenacious and resourceful.

Akira is from Japan, but has become a successful businessman in England. In Threading the Rude Eye, we find him with one party of dragon hunters sent by King George III to procure a dragon. He may be the smallest in stature in the group of dragon hunters, but his size, good business sense, and store of Japanese proverbs are crucial to the survival of the dragon hunters.

We don't encounter Lee until Book 3, Clamorous Harbingers. He is a backwoods guide but his abilities go beyond that of a simple pathfinder. In his possibles bag he carries a bible and Pope's translation of the Iliad, and he can quote from both of them. One reader told me that she thinks he might be a wizard--which is certainly a cool idea which I will neither confirm nor deny.

There are some other characters, like Frode and Njal from Book 4, Promise of Carnage and Flame, that I wanted to talk about. I'll wait and talk about them, as well as the other dragon hunters at a later time.

One of my favorite characters is from my favorite book Smoke. The protagonist in that noir detective novel is Noah Vale, AKA Duncan Kane. A veteran of WWII, he may suffer from what in our day could be diagnosed as PTSD. Perhaps he gives his heart too easily, and he may not be completely honest with himself about that aspect of his character and his relationships, but he is dedicated and diligent--except to keeping his own house. In difficult situations he can always find guidance in one of the paperback novels he carries. 

Are you familiar with any of these characters? What do you like about them? What characters from other books have intrigued you? Let me know in the comments.

Some days the writing flows smoothly like yarn passing through deft knitting needles; other days the experience is more akin to stapling down strips of cloth; and at other times it's like throwing globs of cooked spaghetti noodles at a sheet of paper stapled to a cat chasing a ball of rolling yarn. Each of those days are worthwhile, but some are more productive than others.

As you can see from this link here, my newest book is live at the big river site. And the first book in the series is FREE.

Here's the link to the FREE BOOK. -- for only 4 more days.

Here's the link to the SUPER LOW-PRICED SEQUEL -- only $0.99.

I really like this book. I enjoyed writing the sequel even more than writing the first book in the series. The final five chapters are worth the rest of the book (which is pretty exciting anyway). I would rather read this book than use baby chicks in place golf balls on the driving range. If that's not compassion for animals and a fine show of humanitarianism, I don't know what is. I like the cover even better than the cover of the first book--probably because the flames look a little bit like a dragon, which is entirely apropos.

As with the first book, Threading the Rude Eye, the title to Power to Hurt comes from something Shakespeare wrote. The reference is in the Author's Foreword. The first book shows today ranked at #15 in the alternate history category. Magic, Flintlocks, Dragons -- What's not to like?

***

Speaking of things that I may or may not like, there's this:

These have creamy peanut butter centers with the sweet succulent deliciousness of diced unicorn heart. As for the granola coating, it gets a firm "meh" from me as I like the rolled oats but something else in he mix gives it the texture and taste of gravel shards in syrup. Maybe I can make my own using just peanut butter and oats.

Instead of contemplating the taste of unicorn hearts and feeling disgusted that anyone would consider putting baby chicks to such an ill use, go read the sample pages from the two books above. You'll kick yourself if you miss this opportunity.

While the saga of the war machine will continue, I prefer not to discuss that epic adventure today. Progress on Justice Resurgent is happening; just one more bend and it will be the home stretch at break-neck speed. I could finish it this month, but I'm having difficulty focusing on it because another idea for a fantasy series has possessed me. It's something that I've had in my head for years, and have made notes about from time to time--and now is the time to do it. Because I'll be away from civilization, I won't be able to write this week on JR, but I will be able to do some more plotting, characterization, and setting notes for the fantasy series using that centuries-old word processing system known as paper and ink.

I'm learning that when it comes to writing and marketing, I've pretty much done it all wrong. I've written in three completely different genres. Apparently, I'm supposed to pick a genre and stick with it, build a following and reputation within that genre because, according to Amazon--unlike me--most readers do not jump genres; they read within a single genre. Amazon's algorithms don't understand how to market my works when I do that. So I'm leaning toward making the fantasy genre my genre for a series--the first books will be in the swashbuckling, flintlock or gunpowder fantasy genre, but the prequels I've got in my head also cover the pre-Columbian. Of course, I haven't forgotten the Finding Jack series, also in the fantasy genre, that I'll finish.

(Of course, if anyone has read any of my books and can't live without more books written by me in the western or humorous noir mystery genre, let me know).

I've noticed that just about everyone thinks that they can write fantasy. Most of the stuff I've found that I wasn't previously familiar with isn't very good (that's just my opinion; lots of people seem to like it). Most of it seems like it was written by a fairly talented fifth grader, or is crammed with profanity in an attempt to create "gritty realism"--or it may just be a substitute for talent (that's my opinion). Of the recent fantasy that I've read, I've enjoyed Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archive; James Alderdice's Brutal, and Ken Jorgensen's Kusunoki Chronicles. I can't say enough good things about the Kusunoki Chronicles. I previously reviewed the first book in the series, Pride of the Samurai. I've just finished the second book, Treachery of The Daimyo. Both are 5 star reads. Again, I'll say that there's something about Jorgensen's writing that resonates with me--and I don't think it's just because he writes above the fifth grade level. I may eventually post a review of the second book. I know there are at least 4 books in the series, and now I have to read the 3rd one. Back to my point, everyone seems to think that they can write fantasy, but few do it well; Jorgensen does it very well.

***

Have I seen any superhero movies? One might remember that I've been pretty clear in my overall distaste for that movie genre. However, there are 3 exceptions to my superhero disdain: The Shadow, The Incredibles, and The Ant-Man. I know there are many complaints about that first movie, but it is one of my favorites--and I have a few complaints about it as well--but a man redeemed from evil, sometimes on the brink of sanity who possesses the ability to cloud men's minds, AND WHO USES 2 POLISHED COLT M1911 AUTOMATICS IS ABSOLUTELY AWESOME (here's a link to information about the actual weapons used in the movie). I like a hero with a backup plan. He's fallible, and often lacks confidence--and the movie wasn't all special effects. I've already gushed about The Incredibles, so I won't repeat myself.

As for The Ant-Man, we saw Ant-Man and the Wasp earlier in the week. First, the story--meh. Didn't really care for it, especially the after-credits tie-in to rest of the Marvel pit of infamy. I did like the characters, especially the characters played by Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, and Michael Pena. These three make the film worth watching. Those characters have substance. They're flawed and funny, and make you root for them. The superheroism is just a part of that substance, a very small part. These are characters who would be fun to follow even without the superhero issue--the superhero complication is just the catalyst that has brought them to our attention and that accentuates their idiosyncrasies. So...great characters, predictable story heavy on techno-dribble, but lots of fun.

This week we went to see Think-Red-Hibble-Stew.

We had an inauspicious start. I left my house and office keys locked in the office--of course, I hadn't realized this at the time. I passed my wife on my way home; she was going the opposite direction to pick up daughter after some practice or something. When I arrived at the house, I found it locked. When I couldn't find my keys, that's when I realized that I had removed them from the lock in the office door...and placed them in the pocket of the jacket that I leave at the office, instead of placing them in the pocket of my pants--which I wear home.

So I cooled my heels on the front doorstep and waited for wife's return. It provided me with an opportunity to read my newest download: Pride of The Samuri, Book 1 of the Kusunoki Chronicles. I'll do a more complete review on it later. I'm nearly done with the book now, and IT. IS. EPIC. My review will probably say something like this author may be on of the few whose stuff I enjoy reading more than my own. It's incredible.

Speaking of incredible, or rather The Incredibles II: I've been waiting 14 years to see this movie. I've said that I really don't like superhero movies. They're all explosions and special effects and more explosions. The actors seem to be mere props to be thrown around by other superheros/villains, and explosions, etc. I still believe that. I don't like superhero movies...with one exception: The Incredibles was totally awesome. The original movie had great characters and a clear story unadulterated by social justice genuflection. It also had that cool 60s style movie music that evokes ghosts of James Bond and other over-the-top cinema fare.

(This isn't my favorite of the music, but it will do for illustrative purposes)

 A lot has changed in 14 years. I knew that I would be disappointed with the sequel. I knew that it would fall well short of the magnificence of the original. I knew that they were going to ruin everything with the sequel. I knew the movie would make me wish that they had never made a sequel. I knew that I would leave the theater feeling like a four-year old child whose favorite toy, a peddle car, had been run over because his stupid cousin had pushed and left it under a real car (Yes, I'm still mad about that). So my expectations were low...and yet I hoped.

The movie opened after a 14 year intermission right where the original had left off. The Underminer had just appeared; the family had to leap into action. That led to my first favorite line, "Trampoline me!" I'll let you speculate on the context. The story ran fairly parallel to the original with the difference being that ElastiMom gets the call to elicit illicit superhero arms instead of IncrediDad. Dad has home duty, which elicited another favorite line, "I'm formulating!" Violet and Dash have their own problems, and Jack-Jack is everyone's problem. Eventually, the family has to come together to defeat the evil Screenslaver. The movie makes a relevant and not-so-subtle statement about a modern condition, but doesn't become a nonstop in-your-face freight train hauling the audience to the Peoples Republic of Social Justice According To [Insert Pet Cause Name/Supporters Here].

There was, however, a train, or monorail, or levitating train or something like that. Of course, there were also a motorcycle, a super cool car, a neat boat, and other assorted nifty-do things.  All the old voices were back and nailing it. My favorite surprise was the voice of Bob Odenkirk as Winston Deaver. Better Call Saul is one of my favorite Vidangel treats.

The family oriented message of the movie remains strong. The animation is fantastic. The music is great. Did I like it? Well...we got to the theater late (see the story above about being locked out of the house) and had to sit near the front of the theater at entry level; the kid to my right kept going out and coming back with popcorn in a bag and/or bags of chips to rattle; people kept coming in late and walking in front of me, and getting up during the movie and walking in front of me going in and out; and some genius in front of me had brought her four-year old to the theater with those shoes that have flashing lights in them that activate every time the kid's feet touch the floor (and that kid was walking back and forth a lot); and not once did I seriously contemplate the bashing of heads against armrests, the breaking of teeth on seatbacks, nor even the uttering of colorful-but-true-and-hurtful words with sufficient vitrolic verve and venom to slay the entire families of the obliviously rude cretins for seven generations--and it wasn't just because I'm a nice person, which I am, mostly. It was, to state the obvious, incredible. I highly recommend it as the best movie I've seen in theaters so far this year; Two thumbs up; Five stars--and nearly as good as the original.

I do have a review of L'Amour's Passin Through to do, and an update to the status of Smoke in paperback. The short answer for both is: They're coming soon--just not as soon as I had hoped.

Speaking of book covers, I've redone the cover to Justice in Season. I'm not certain that I'm pleased with it. The background may be too busy. I needed to change it as the old cover didn't fit the Kindle cover dimensions; it looked odd, out of place, and amateurish (now it only suffers from the latter distinction, or maybe still all three but just in a different way). Here's the new cover:

Yes, I used the same template that I used for Smoke. If you like something, keep it--or as I say, glom* onto it and never let it go. I also made a similar cover for the sequel, Justice Resurgent. I may decide to change it before I'm done writing the sequel, so I won't post the preview of that one yet.

I finished two Louis L'Amour books recently. The Broken Gun, and The Mountain Valley War. Rather than a straight review, I'll do a little compare and contrast. TBG is a shorter, quicker read. TMVW is longer (yes, that's redundant). I chose TMVW based on the fact that it is set in Idaho. Unfortunately, it didn't seem uniquely Idaho enough to me. Aside from some place names, it might've been Utah or Nevada, but that's a minor complaint.

TBG isn't really a western; it is set in Arizona in the 1960's. A writer, whose life experience is much like L'Amour's, is lured to a remote ranch by folks who don't care for what his research might reveal about the legal title to their ranch. It has a bit of a noir flavor. By the end of the book, I was hearing the protagonist speak in the voice of Humphrey Bogart.

TMVW uses a classic western morality tale template: An evil land baron (or "King," in this case) attempts to persuade the legitimate small farmers and ranchers to sell out cheaply; his methods include cutting off their supplies, and late night visits to deliver house warming gifts of lead and fire. One of those small farmers is a man going by an alias to hide the fact that he is an all-around western renaissance man, being extremely talented with his fists as well as his Colts. He wants to settle down, perhaps with the woman who followed him from Texas and who runs a gambling palace. Our hero's sense of justice and future plans don't mesh well with the land-grabbers new planning and zoning code--what with that new comprehensive plan zoning him into a new zip code or restricting him to a three by six plot in the dirt-view estates. Naturally, the hero manages to make heroic journeys, win heroic fights, and dispense heroic justice and mercy.

I preferred TBG. Both stories boasted heroes who performed difficult feats to outwit and outfight their enemies. In TMVW the hero had lots of help, although he was often left to succeed by dint** of his own fists and pistols. The writer in TBG didn't have any open allies, but he acquired some key aid to help him triumph. Both also featured shooting, horses, fighting, murder, and climbing--not necessarily in that order.

Next time I hope to use more pictures like this:

from the movie Fallen Angel. The film is loaded with great black and white shots--in fact, they all are, black and white that is. The story isn't bad, and the acting is pretty good. I'll probably do a reframe with the pictures since I won't remember the story well enough to do a recap and review. Which reminds me that I need to do another Combat! episode soon.


*That's for you--you know who I mean. It's from the Scottish "glaum," in case you're interested. It originally meant "to steal" or "to seize." It also has come to mean "to adhere to" or "to grab." Its first known use was in 1907.

**Also for you--you still know who I mean--because I know you'll ask. The phrase "by dint of" means "by means or use of." Dint comes from the Old English "Dynt" and was first used in writing sometime before the 12th century.

Lost in Space (2018 episode 1) No Spoilers
(But with completely unnecessary quotes from Shakespeare's Richard II -- in italics)

After viewing the first episode, I have mixed thoughts about the show, but "To be a make-peace shall become my age." I was thrilled to see Toby Stephens in the role of John Robinson. I remember him from one of the James Bond movies, and from Vexed in which he played the charming and hilariously politically incorrect male chauvinist DI Armstrong. Naturally, I was disappointed to see, in this first episode at least, that he was relegated to fulfilling the role of the ineffective father who is only allowed to think and act for himself when his wife (some kind of scientist/engineer/astrophysicist/geologist/etc is unconscious); even then, it's the whining son who proves more useful than the father. It's as though John Robinson is forced to say, "I am disgraced, impeach'd and baffled here, Pierced to the soul with slander's venom'd spear."

But before I go off on that thought, let me say that I liked the show. I will watch episode 2. Although the science is more fiction than science, and the script/story has holes through which you could fly a Constitution class starship, and even though I had to say to my disbelief, "Therefore, we banish you our territories," I found the episode imbued with a certain enchantment. The special effects were great but not overpowering; it never felt like those superhero movies that are currently popular where the effects rule and the actors are mere props.

Molly Parker plays Maureen Robinson. "Men are but gilded loam or painted clay," but Mrs. Robinson is some kind of wonder woman; although I didn't see a golden lasso. She apparently made everything happen while Mr. Robinson was away doing soldier stuff. June Lockhart (and Linda Carter) would be jealous. 

As for the Robinson children in this episode, we mostly saw Will and Judy. Penny was present, but she didn't really get to shine in the episode. Taylor Russell plays Judy Robinson. There may be some explanation about the obvious difference between her and the other children, but it wasn't given in this episode. I almost hope no explanation is ever given. Mina Sundwall has the role of Penny. I didn't see that she had the charm that Angela Cartwright brought to the role,

but it was only the first episode. I'm sure that future episodes will feature her talents more prominently. 

That leaves the boy whose name is associated with danger. Maxwell Jenkins has taken the roll formerly played by Bill Mumy (who has a cameo in the episode that took me by surprise). 

He was fine. He possesses that expressively childish face (he does have the advantage of being a child--but he really sells it with the eyes). On an unrelated note, that reminds me of what I really liked about the episode: no Fanning child screaming incessantly. Sure, it's a small thing, but it's something that I always appreciate.

If the show doesn't get to taking itself too seriously, I'll keep watching--but I won't be offended if there are no giant carrots or green women with salad bowls on their heads. 

***

And now on to the rant, but "Our fair eyes do hate the dire aspect of civil wounds plough'd up with neighbours' sword," so I'll keep it short and vitriol free. Let me speculate upon the demise of the American male (as portrayed on television)--without saying anything that hasn't been said more eloquently elsewhere. And I'm shooting from the hip here, painting with a broad brush and with half my brain tied behind my back. 

At one time father knew best--at least often. Ward and June, and Marcus Welby and Spock's mom, and Gomez and Morticia, and many others, typically worked together to solve weekly crises. Sometimes father knew best; sometimes Donna Reed had all the answers. Each parent had talents that helped the family. With the possible exception of Herman Munster, no parent was always the idiot. 

Then came one of my favorite childhood shows: Bewitched. Darin, no matter which Dick played him, was almost always an unreasonable idiot; only his beautiful wife's witchcraft could save him--although, it was usually the witchcraft that had originally caused to the problem. It was mostly downhill from there. Ben Cartwright may have been the last of the fathers who was always right--of course, we can't say as much for his sons. However, Pa Ingalls did a highly admirable job.

The effective father as portrayed in television series fell from grace. Eventually, he fell out of the show entirely. "For thee remains a heavier doom, which I with some unwillingness pronounce: The sly slow hours shall not determinate the dateless limit of thy dear exile." Single mom's ruled. They did it all; they didn't need men (and not just the men who prefer the alternate spelling of potato--which reminds me of two good rules: 1. Never bet against a Sicilian when death is on the line, and 2. Never argue with sitcom characters). 

So what does this have to do with Lost in Space 2018? Probably nothing. However, we might consider whether the relative ineffectiveness of the soldier-father (who doesn't do as the super-successful-scientist-wife commands) and the fortunate attainments of the whining, helpless boy-child embody the idea of the old school vision of masculinity being driven from the field, and the rise of that modern, childish, effeminate man who succeeds through obedience to the directives and teachings of the super woman.

***

I've got these leftover quotes from Richard II rattling around in my pocket. Because I like them and don't want to see them go to waste, I'm just going to toss them on the table for your enjoyment.


How long a time lies in one little word!
Four lagging winters and four wanton springs
End in a word: such is the breath of kings.


O, who can hold a fire in his hand
By thinking on the frosty Caucasus?
Or cloy the hungry edge of appetite
By bare imagination of a feast?
Or wallow naked in December snow
By thinking on fantastic summer's heat?
O, no! the apprehension of the good
Gives but the greater feeling to the worse:
Fell sorrow's tooth doth never rankle more
Than when he bites, but lanceth not the sore.

Note: After the review is a Vidangel Versus -- this time it's Cowboys and Indians.

When I was in college, I read a poorly written science fiction novel which, I believe, was call Khyber Pass - but I can't find any reference to a sci fi book by that name; perhaps I've forgotten the actual name. I do remember that the Khyber Pass (which is between Kabul and Peshawar) played a prominent role in the book. I remember nothing else about that book--except the cover was bluish with a guy in a white coat holding some kind of firearm. The book did get me interested in the actual history of the Khyber Pass. I looked for and found a book--I believe it was called The Northwest Passage -- which was confusing, because I thought the northwest passage referred to the waterway through North America connecting the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans (and which didn't exist, notwithstanding the great confidence in its existence)--about the history and significance of the pass. That book was excellent. The fun thing I remember from that book was the story of a British officer named Nicholson; some of the natives actually worshipped him; he did not encourage the worship.  One (or more) time(s) when he was ill, and confined to his bed in his tent, he could hear the natives engaged in worshipping him without the tent. He was able to reach his pistol, and fired it at them blindly through the canvas wall until all of the cartridges had been expended. People complain about a long church service, but at least the object of the adoration isn't actively engaged in trying to kill them during the service--of course, your mileage may vary; I can't speak for all denominations.

It was sometimes referred to as the Northwest Passage, because the attacks on India usually came from the Northwest through the Khyber Pass.

Anyway, I remembered reading Talbot Mundy's story called King of The Khyber Rifles. In some commentary, somewhere, someone had also recommended the movie. So, I recently watched the movie.

KING OF THE KHYBER RIFLES (1953, directed by Henry King)

According to the poster, you not allowed to wear glasses to watch it. That's strange.

The similarities between this movie and the Talbot Mundy story upon which the movie is based are quite simply uncanny. I mean that in the sense that uncanny may be inferred to mean nonexistent. The old Dragnet shows used to claim that the stories were true but that the names had been changed. In this movie, only the names are the same; the story has been altered beyond recognition.

So how is the movie?

It’s India—1857—100^th year of the British rule.

There’s an ambush set for some British wagons. The British are warned in time to keep their losses minimal. They arrive at the garrison. The one-eyed native who had warned them wants to take the British salt, i.e., join up, because the bad guy, Karram Khan, tortured and killed his brother.

At the garrison, our hero, King shows pictures of his parents to a couple officers with whom he shares quarters; one of these is Jeffrey Heath. It appears that King’s mother is a native. King goes looking for someone called Hamid Bahri. He is told that Bahri has become a holy man; he may be found at the mosque.

A native is preaching insurrection in the public square; the British have ruled for a 100 years and the rule is about to come to a quick and bloody end, according to the insurrectionist. King warns a white woman to get back to her residence, and to stay there. 

Back at the barracks, Heath has left. The other officer shares liquor with King, telling him, “We half-castes have to stick together. My father was Irish.”

When the white woman (Susan Maitland) tells Heath about what happened in the marketplace with Captain King, he says that he shouldn’t wonder, “He’s one of them.” General Maitland is the white woman’s father. 

Heath tells him he had to change quarters because of King’s parentage. The General doesn’t take it well. He informs Heath that whites, half-castes, and natives are all British soldiers and are to be treated as such.

King gets the coveted seat next to Susan at dinner—at her request. The General tells King about the Khyber Rifles. They’re made up of Afridi, natives. Ahmed, the native who warned of the ambush, called them cousins. The General puts King in command of the Khyber Rifles; they are so stubborn that they won’t salute, and they take-off whenever they feel the need for it.

Karram Khan is the native leader in opposition to the British. He was King’s childhood friend.

King isn’t invited to the Queen’s Birthday Ball, because the British have rules about that sort of thing. So Susan seeks him out elsewhere and dances with him outside. She follows him out of the garrison the next day. They get caught in a kind of sand storm the natives call “The Hammer of God,” and have to take shelter in some convenient ruins. (I was wondering if they might run into a couple Hobbits with a cursed ring in there).

They’re attacked by natives. King drops one with a pistol shot. The others enter the ruins. They shout something to him that he doesn’t translate. King escapes the attackers by…running into the storm with Susan?? He abandons two horses, and takes the general's daughter into a killer storm; it doesn't seem like the best of all possible choices.

The next day, the general sends out two patrols to look for them. One patrol finds them nearly dying of thirst in the sand. Funny how the patrol could find them, but the bad guys who nearby when they ran away could not.

Part of the second patrol never returned to the garrison. King tells the general that the hostiles wanted his daughter as a hostage—that’s what they were shouting. Maitland decides to send Susan back to England. She doesn’t want to go. She wants to marry King. Maitland doesn’t want his daughter marrying a half-caste. He’s all for equal treatment, but still…

Turbaned bad guys send a horse into the garrison with one of the missing patrolmen tied to its back. The rest of the missing men have been taken hostage. Karram Khan wants rifles—the Enfield rifle shipment the garrison is expecting—or he will send in another dead hostage each day.

King thinks it would be a good idea to eliminate Karram Khan; and he’s the man to do it. That night, Susan sneaks to King’s quarters, to make him listen to her. That, of course, leads to osculation, and that close talking that leaves one with a hot, damp ear (sultry ear? see, Throw Mama from the Train). She will go away, but she will be with him always, she will come to him when he wants her. (She must think she’s Obi-Wan Kenobi, or something).

The general decides to send King to eliminate Khan. King rides into the enemy camp. He tells Khan that he has deserted. Khan is skeptical. He accepts King into his service, but instructs one of his minions to watch King. The best bad guys always have a spare minion or two for such tasks.

A messenger arrives with bad news. Khan throws a tantrum, and confronts King. While wielding a toad sticker of prodigious proportions, 

he calls King a liar. King admits he was sent to kill Khan but says he came for different reasons. Khan has a British officer brought in. The soldier pleads to King. King throws his drink in the officer’s face. Khan begins to believe him…or so he says.

That night, King does a carpet-crawl-sneak to the sleeping Khan. When King hesitates in killing Khan, the latter counters King’s knife with a pistol. In the morning King is tied to a stake like the rest of the British prisoners. Under Khan’s direction, Afridi on horseback begin a game of “Find the Vital Organ.” (Milton Bradley would later come up with a variant of this game; they called it "Operation.") They’re very successful; they’ve obviously played this game before. One by one, the British soldiers demonstrate the difficulty (futility, even) of dodging while tied to a stake. When King is the last target in play, Khan takes up a spear. He makes the charge, but pulls up before King gets the point. In repayment for the hesitation that spared Khan’s life, he releases King to go back to Peshawar.

In return for his story about the deaths of the British soldiers, and his report on what he learned of Karram Khan, General Maitland has King confined to his quarters under arrest. King learns that all of the women left that morning. Mr. Heath informs him that Susan said she would write to King, and that she still feels the same way. That’s when a rider gallops in with a message for Maitland about uprisings across the frontier. He needs everyone, even King. Apparently things are almost as out of control as the fans at a European soccer match.

King is to lead his Rifles to attack Khan. Plot complication: a rumor has spread among the Rifles that the paper cartridges have been greased with pig fat; it would be a violation of their religion to bite the paper cartridges to load them into the Enfield rifles. (Besides, they were promised hot and spicy flavored cartridges). King addresses the Rifles. He appears to have convinced them. They follow him out for the attack under cover of darkness.

When it comes time to ditch the horses and to climb the mountains, the Khyber Rifles refuse to load the Enfields. But they still want to follow King. They’ll fight with steel. They climb the mountains to come to the rear of Khan’s camp.

They leap into the camp with their Kukri’s ready.  They have literally brought knives to a gunfight. King has landed in Khan’s tent. They strive against each other in a fairly inept display of hand-to-hand combat. They struggle for the pistol. They struggle for the knife. Khan puts his right hand in; King pulls that right hand out. They do the hokey pokey and shake themselves about. Khan comes up with the Kukri (which sounds like some fun party game--or the conclusion of Kukri, Kukri, Whose Got The Kukri).

Things look bad for King…until Khan discovers that a second Kukri has entered the game. The one-eyed Ahmed has noticed the itch the Khan can’t scratch, and scratches it for him by flinging a knife into Khan’s back. King and the Khyber Rifles are victorious.

The weary and wounded victors return to the garrison. Later, the Rifles, and King, look sharp under the eyes of Susan and the general. That’s it. It's over. Does the general let his daughter marry King? Does anyone care? Not really.

There just isn’t much Tyrone Power can do to save this movie. Michael Rennie as the general is impressive, but his part isn’t significant enough to lift the fun factor for this show out of the basement. The script eliminates the mystical quality of Talbot Mundy’s work, and replaces it with a story not only devoid of charm, romance, suspense, and intrigue, but also lacking interesting characters, well-staged action, or memorable imagery—and those are the redeeming characteristics. It’s also dull—or is it all so dull? Both are correct. Why did I keep watching? I was familiar with the Talbot Mundy story, having read it last year; I kept hoping that it would get better. I hoped to see the mysterious “She,” and to see King go completely Afridi, and more, much, much more.

***

As promised above it's Vidangel Versus: Two shows that I wouldn't normally watch except for the magic of Vidangel in letting me filter out all the junk that I don't want to see or hear. This week it's:

3:10 to Yuma (cowboys) vs. Wind River (Indians)

If you enjoyed the 1957 3:10 to Yuma with Glenn Ford and Van Heflin, you'll probably be disappointed in this Russel Crow and Christian Bale remake. I know that I was. If you get the chance to watch it...don't. That's really all I have to say about it.

Wind River, on the other hand, is a terrific movie (at least the filtered version). First, the complaint: not enough Julia Jones, or most of the other Native American characters. The main characters are actually the Fish and Wildlife predator exterminator (Julia Jones character's ex-husband), and the FBI girl (she looks like she might be 17 years old) sent to do the preliminary investigation on the death of a young girl on the reservation. The film is both emotionally and intellectually stimulating. Of the 2017 movies that I've seen, this was definitely the best. It was good enough that I had to watch it twice.

Wind River easily wins this contest.

Combat! S1 E9 - "Cat and Mouse" - recap and review

Combat!

Season 1 Episode 9:

They’re headed uphill, into a cemetery; then the shelling starts…

Hanley gives the order, “Dig in!” Cage isn’t thrilled about the idea of digging into the asphodel fields. Littlejohn says, “This is one hole I thought somebody else would dig for me.” A guy we haven’t seen before makes his way to Hanley; he says that the captain wants him to send a man back out…as soon as that man gets back from the last mission. A few moments later, out of the smoky blasts walks a figure; he’s carrying another soldier. It's Saunders!

He’s exhausted—we’ve seen this setup before. He has come back from the land of snipers and landmines. He lost 5 NPCs. Hanley tells him he has to report back to S-2. Saunders says he has nothing to report. He didn’t see anything. That’s too bad. He has to go back; they want him to go back out again…orders. Saunders says, as he leans his head against a slanted headstone, “Funny. I feel like I belong here.” Roll the opening credits.

The episode guest stars Albert Salmi. It’s entitled “Cat and Mouse.” It is written and directed by Robert Altman.

Back at S-2, Saunders is one of a few men who get a briefing. Something big is about to break. There’s going to be a breakthrough attempt…somewhere else. Success depends on holding this part of the line with only a few troops…and the Germans have an attack planned. They need to know where the attack will be in order to successfully defend with limited resources. Recon patrols have been gaining nothing but casualties. Therefore, there will be more patrols. Everyone is excused to go to their patrols...except for Saunders and a Sgt. Jenkins (the guest star Albert Salmi). Saunders is to accompany Jenkins’ patrol because that patrol is assigned the area from which he has just returned. Jenkins is beside himself with joy…or something sort of opposite of joy. He’s experienced; he doesn’t need someone else along…that he might have to “nursemaid.” Saunders is his usual jolly self—glum, grim, silent; he doesn't waste time on any persuasive charisma die rolls.

The patrol is off, complete with leafed sprigs sticking from their helmets. A certain tree doesn’t find the disguises amusing, and shoots one of the soldiers. (Not the tree. Turns out it was a sniper hiding in a tree).

Jenkins doesn’t listen to Saunders and goes to help the downed man. He draws fire (in a stark charcoal on cream colored paper, that being his artistic specialty), but isn't hit. Saunders follows, spraying bursts from the Thompson. Jenkins has a plan. Saunders doesn’t like it. Jenkins rolls a natural 20; the plan works! Jenkins gets the sniper…but their man is dead too. One NPC and one enemy, the score is tied.

Saunders finds a mine while Jenkins is trying to rush the men along. As Saunders pulls out the mine, another one goes off; they lose another man. Jenkins agrees to go a little slower. Two NPCs down. (They should've worn red shirts for this episode). 

The DM has them find a building. Jenkins decides to take in one man, the other two will cover. Saunders says that he will go in with Jenkins. Wilson and McKay will cover. It’s a mill, with a waterwheel. The sgts get in fine…but one of the cover guys thinks that he has heard something and starts to go check on it; he rolls a critical failure. A German appears behind him, banging out a fatal riff of heavy metal. He plays more of the same for the other American, who finds it totally killer, as well. It’s a whole kraut platoon arriving at the mill. 4 NPC's have been expended. (It's like "The Apple" TOS S2E5).

The sgts are trapped inside the mill…and I can guess where the Germans are headed. Yep…they’re coming inside. The sgts have to hide. The Germans are moving in, and setting up a regimental command post. The German colonel takes a liking to the resident cat. (And isn't that Ted Knight holding the helmet or something on the right? It is. It is).

But will the cat give away the Americans? 

Saunders doesn’t have any luck with the radio, there are just too many negative modifiers to the dice. They’re out of range. Jenkins has gone full-thief, and found a passage. They can sneak out when it gets dark. In the meantime, they wait. Saunders makes a few long-shot die-roll attempts for success with  the radio. Jenkins is so enamored with the idea that he points his rifle at Saunders, and orders him to stop. Saunders is through taking orders from him. That sends Jenkins into a soliloquy about how he’s fighting this war surrounded by shoe clerks. Jenkins was regular army before the war. Saunders, he sold shoes, or so he tells Jenkins. Jenkins goes into slow burn mode, refusing to think of possible positive modifiers to the radio checks.

With darkness, they try to make their escape. As Saunders is making the attempt, Jenkins deliberately drops the radio to alarm the Germans. Is he trying to get Saunders captured? No. Jenkins shows himself, surrendering.

Saunders watches in secret as the Germans interrogate Jenkins, even though Jenkins has signaled him to go. Jenkins has a picture on him from when he was a lieutenant, before he was cashiered, and rejoined as a private. The Germans want to know where the American lines are. He can’t tell them. They threaten to shoot him. When they start to drag him out, he agrees to tell all that he can. He knows Saunders is still there. He signals him to go up above so that he can see the map as he explains to the Germans where the American lines are located.

Saunders is able to read the map with the aid of one side of his binoculars. The problem develops when Ted Knight (as a German captain) goes after the cat and discovers the American boots that Saunders had left in the passageway out. Jenkins goes wild--he's rolling dice on the distraction tables like a madman. The Germans go wild--and they have the guns. Lead flies; Jenkins takes more lead than his hit points can handle. Saunders grabs his heater and burns down some Germans. He goes down the ladder. He confirms that Jenkins in dead before he goes out, rolls a successful sneak attack, and overpowers a guard, and swims downstream.

We next see him in a Jeep, rolling into S-2. Saunders is not a little dismayed when S-2 doesn’t show interest in his report. They tell him that they broke the German code that morning, and know where the attack is coming. Saunders tells them Jenkins gave his life so that he could escape to get this information back to them, and someone is going to listen to it. Yet, nobody does hear it. The major informs Saunders that hundreds of men at desks have been working on the code (rolling percentage dice through the night until they could get three "00"s in a row) and 6 French underground agents died getting the information; the important thing is that they have the information, not who got it first.

What to think about his episode? It certainly burned through the NPCs--5 lost on Saunders' first mission before the session, and 4 more lost during this adventure. The guest player character also cashed-in his chips before the closing credits. I was disappointed about a few things: I didn't find any really outstanding camera shots; nobody spoke French; Ted Knight never got to speak English; and I didn't think of anything funny enough to make me laugh while I wrote this. Speaking of Ted Knight... by way of trivia, Knight and Salmi would later appear together in Caddyshack. Salmi appeared in numerous movies and series before his apparent murder/suicide. He never appeared in Star Trek, as far as I could find, but he was in The Brothers Karamazov with Shatner, and Yul Brenner. It seems to me that he usually played the dim-bulb-loud-mouth type.

The episode wasn't very satisfying for me. The tension that I expected from the cat and mouse game just wasn't there. I expect that the ending was intended to be unsatisfying--it succeeded.  

And I haven't time to write anything more..."Patterns of Force" just came on.